Letter to my Ninang..

I hope you're doing well up there. I hope you know that you'll never be forgotten and that I think about you often.

Like everyone else, I wish you were still here with us. I don't think you even realize how much you've affected my life since I was too young and far too shy to ever tell you that I appreciated having you as my Godmother. You've always been there to be someone to talk to for everyone; from what I remember, out of all of yours and my mom's circle of friends, you were always in the loop of their kids' lives.

I remember being at the funeral and hearing all the stories and the one that stuck with me the most was how much of a friend R saw you as. And I just wish that you were still here to help me in the ways you helped her. With love, and friends, and work, and just life. Its always been so hard for me to really open up to people but I know that I would have been able to share my deepest thoughts with you. Especially lately where I really needed someone to depend on; the past couple of weeks have been rough.

Sometimes, I pray that you're still showing me guidance and never leaving my side; even though you're not physically here. Some people pray to God but lately, I've been praying to you. Wondering if you can hear my thoughts. Because I figure, this way, you're still in my life being that ear to listen to me or shoulder to cry on.

I just miss you so much.

Love,
Lei

Wait for the guy that calls your beautiful

I've pretty much always been the "friend" girl. The one who's too afraid of being hurt. The one who would have a guy in her life as a friend rather than not have the guy in her life at all. Even though it would probably be more painful having to be just friends than nothing at all. The one who protected her heart from others, but didn't mind ripping her heart open herself. The one who was always just "cute"; plain and simple.

I've always been shy about relationships. I liked the idea of liking a guy, but once the feelings were returned, it would scare me away and I would avoid it. Now that I think about it, it was a lot like a game, a chase. And because of that, I have never been in a real relationship. Elementary school puppy love doesn't count. So in reality, I've never really taken a chance. I have always lent a ear or a shoulder to a friend with their relationship woes, but I've never been in one of my own.

I feel like the more I grow older, the higher my standards are getting to meet the 'right guy'. My list of what I want just grows each day. A friend of mine in the same situation as myself brought up a good point, what happens if our standards are too high to reach? Are we ever going to find someone to settle down with ever? Are we constantly going to be playing this game?

Now, here I am today, in the same shoes I find myself in as in high school. I've played the friend card and now I'm so frustrated. I realize that I've brought the frustrations upon myself, but sometimes I just want to bang my head against my steering wheel and press rewind. Start the situation all over again and either get how I feel out in the open or just not have met him at all; keep him as the guy I just saw around.

I'm just tired of playing that game. I'm ready to take a chance and open up my heart to someone.

xoxo,
Lei

Pain

So, an old friend from high school has been recording her own tracks and stuff. Not going to lie, this has got to be one of my favorite tracks by her. The words just work. Maybe its just me because I know that story behind the song but the lyrics are just...on point.

I've noticed that I tend to listen to this on days when I just feel like I can't do it anymore. On the days where I want to hide from the world and give up. It has a chill beat and it takes the words right out of my mouth.

With love, there is pain. But it's true, pain is only temporary and it just helps us grow into a stronger person. At the same time, when you've decided to give up, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've been there, numerous times. But I've started to realize that I just have to keep positive and the feeling will pass. I know I'm not very in touch with my religious side, but my life motto lately has been: P.U.S.H (which, ironically, is her mixtape name lol). Pray Until Something Happens. And I do and I constantly keep that in mind.

With that said, here is the song that heals my wounds. (the link anyway..I don't remember how to work blogspot...)

Pain
Marissa Mapatac ft. Lahcing of Brakada


I never knew,
Just how much I would go through.
And, how much it hurts,
To see things go from worse to worser.

Felt like I couldn't breathe,
That something was eating me,
Until I closed my eyes.
Then I said, 'I've had enough,
I don't care, I give up.'
Then God said to me..

Pain,
Never stays, it's up to you to let it go.
Pain, it's there to change,
To make you strong so you can grow.

I, thought to myself,
That its easier said than done.
Its hard to just let go,
When you just got your heart ripped open.

Then god said,
That you don't gotta be so stubborn.
Yes, I know that you're feeling broken.
Take what you had, put it in the past,
And let's start over.

Pretty soon, you will know why.
And you will smile and you won't cry.
Never never ever will you, feel this way again
But you will sing,

Pain,
Never stays, it's up to you to let it go,
Pain, it's there to change,
To make you strong so you can grow.

Hello Blogspot.

Oh wow, it has been such a long time. I've jumped onto the Tumblr bandwagon and have seemed to abandon my blogspot. But I'm back. I know that I've attempted to start a beauty blog in the past but I think this will just turn into another random blog for me. Just because life is better with a taste of everything..

What a past couple of weeks its been! And it's not even close to being over. Everyone around me seems to be stressed out as well. I just wish that there was more time in the day to accomplish more things...especially sleep! School has just been a tad bit overwhelming this term. I know that part of it is because I've dug myself in a tiny hole with not keeping up with school work, but besides that, this was a tough term. I cannot wait until Thursday and I can focus on the holidays.

Other than being stressed with school, I've been juggling my bills, mood swings and relationships. Yep. Just the life of another college student waiting to start her career.

Till next time,
(I swear it won't be as lame)

xoxo,
Lei

It's been a loooooong time..

I miss beauty blogging!

I realized that after I was finally able to put on a full face of makeup at work this past weekend since my eyes have been super irritated for the past week or two. I haven't gotten it checked out (although I probably should) but they are just super sensitive lately. I just stick to the bare minimum for everyday. It was getting good this weekend, but started acting up again yesterday. This whole eye irritation thing has even got a whole bunch of my eyelashes falling out from me rubbing so much. I'm so bummed! I need to pick up a good eye cream and something to nourish my lashes this weekend. Gah, I finally get a payday.

Annnyways. Besides being super MIA, I've also been super behind on my reading my favorite blogs. BUT, good news is that some of my old faves are back up and running like Stephienese and P0wp0wbaby. Yay! I've been missing out of collections and I'm bummed but at the same time, I don't even have the money to haul like I used to. Or even the time. I'm in that whole, 'use up what I got' phase. Although I do want to pick me up some lippies for summer. Any suggestions of what I should check out??

I've also hopped on the Circle Lenses bandwagon. I was super hesitant about them because I used to wear grey colored contacts when I was younger and even though I felt they looked pretty natural, it totally wasn't. lol. But, I decided to go ahead a get a pair anyway, so I pick up some Geo lenses in brown. I like em'!!

So yeah. I also went back to black, but it faded. And now I'm thinking I might go lighter again this weekend if I have the time to do it. But I'm a bit nervous about doing it. lol. I guess it's just cause I haven't dyed my hair lighter in such a long time. I should dig up some old pics or something.

But yeah, that's all for now. I really should be studying for my stats quiz tmw. -_-" Maybe I'll do up a look since I want to head out and watch a couple Fringe shows. Def a look this weekend because the Driven Car Show is this Saturday.

Till then!!

Love, Lei

Swipe, swipe, swipe..or not.

What do you end up doing when you're at home on a Saturday night and supposed to be working on a business report? Online window shopping. Ohh, the wonders of the internet. I say window shop because this whole not working while going to school full-time is a pain in the butt for my wallet and my need to shop. My debit card screams to be swiped. Kay so not really, but I really would love a day of shopping.

Shoes are my weakness. I have tons of shoes that have still been unworn and have been sitting in their lovely boxes for months, possibly even years. I love heels. Love, love, love! I soo want these shoes.

*droool.

(all the pictures are from aldoshoes.com)

APPLIN: $120

I'm totally digging the covered ankle, show some foot type of shoes. They just scream hot. I found a pair at Spring that were peep-toe. They were sexy. I'm totally loving this. I love me a good pointed toe.

FONDY: $125
They are so a-friggen-dorable! I may not look like it, but I actually love zebra print. Attach that to a shoe and brown leather and I'm in love. I love the mini-pointed toe too. I need these. Definitely.

HORTENSE: $80 on sale for $59.98
These are just super cute with a simple black skirt for everyday wear. My friend is in love with the retro look for shoes and I'm still on the border, but these are too cute to pass up. They're on sale too. *sigh..

SARIC: $90 on sale for $64.98
Every girl needs a pair of red shoes. Or in my case..three. I love how these remind me of pointe shoes and makes me wish I was a dancer. Plus patent red?? Yum!

Oh how I wish I could stick them in my cart and check out. It's weird how I have to restrict myself to only buy necessities lately. I used to be a big impulse buyer and now I can't be. But I just need to keep looking at the bigger picture. I'm graduating May 2010..then I'll (hopefully) have my salary paying job. I'm counting down...

Anyway, I would say I'm going to work on some sort of school work but I think I'll just relax and watch more episodes of the 1st Shop of Coffee Prince. Gah, I'm in love! And hey, I'm allowed to relax. I'm sick! :(

Till next time..

Love, Lei

Another decision..

I feel like I just made a big decision and now I have to make another one in less than 24-hours. I finally decided to pursue a career in the business world instead of education and made the step to where I am now. Now, I have to decide a major in less than 24-hours. Lame. I need more time. Honestly, who manages to choose a proper decision two months into a program?

I just want to travel, make money and be happy.

uggggggggh.
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